but im begining to see thats why its beautiful
I learned yesterday that family cant be trusted, and the ones you love the most lie. Its sad but its almost always true. My fiance who I absolutly adored and unquestionably trusted came clean to lieing for over a year about numerous things, as well as cheating twice. Amazingly I found out about all of this on our anniversary, 3 months after my spinal fusion surgery. I forgave him, im too weak to leave him, to much in love to forget him and the circumstances on which it happaned are almost understandable. Is it so wrong that I couldn't let it go? Suddenly yesterday I relized it wasn't worth it if I didnt move on,I need to let him decide what he would do with his last chance.... If he were to screw up again theres no excuse that would constitute forgivness again. So I guess theres nothing for me to do, Im dealing with feelings of betrayal and udder confusion, I feel as though I need some sort of vengence for my loving loyalty. Im dealing with it though and I want to go through with marrying him and having children and so forth. For my happiness I must forgive and move on. Im suprisingly feeling okie, no where near beautiful but Im actually happy again when Im with him. Then I had to find out my father had been taking my money for my insurance and not paying the insurance company, so guess what? NO INSURANCE, for four months too. Wow I love dead beat dads. I just dont understand why I cant be loved by a man. Life goes on though, this moment is only one in many and I will make it through so Im begining to see the beaty that life can offer. It is beautiful, both positive and negitive.